I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
