I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
