Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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