you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
