are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
