It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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