i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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