we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
