you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
