I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
