Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
