We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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