Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
