Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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