maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
