I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
