I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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