The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
