I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
