Just fell off a train. Bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize