It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
