Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
