my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
