so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
