Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
