i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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