He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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