Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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