The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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