my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
