Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
