Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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