i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She announced her abortion via fbk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
