winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
