umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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