Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say