YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.