She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"