He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.