apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
