i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
