I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
