Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want her autograph on my taint
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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