he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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