Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize