I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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