Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
