it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
