are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
