please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
