its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
