The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
