youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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