and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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