Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
