The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
