my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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