i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
