You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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