i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
