he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
