I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
