This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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