Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
